Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

***Warning long post, but I decided to put this all together rather than posting at separate times, it drives me crazy when I have to wait to read part 2 of someones story so I am not going to do that. :)***

"Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder"

I have always agreed with this saying for the most part and this has proved to be true with blogging for me. You may be confused; why the absence and why did you need the heart to grow fonder? So I will try to explain my feelings and thoughts at the time when I decided to take a (very long) bloggy break.

When I first started this blog I enjoyed posting occasionally and reading other's blogs for craft ideas, money saving tips, and pure entertainment. I never really felt like I had to much to blog about. When we found out we were expecting our bundle of joy I enjoyed blogging about my experiences with pregnancy, giving baby updates, and basically just chronicling our journey through pregnancy. I also knew that once little miss arrived I would have even more to say. Although having a baby did provide a lot of opportunities for great posts, blogging was the furthest thing from my mind.

As soon as Layla was born I started feeling anxiety about going back to work. Each day after her birth was one day closer to the day I would have to go back to work and I was dreading it. For the 12 weeks I was home with her I soaked up every single solitary second that I could with her. I didn't go anywhere with friends, grocery shop unless she was sleeping, or really spend any time away from her. I realize this may sound crazy, but in my head she needed me and honestly I needed her. I was so afraid to miss something. I would get housework and other things done while she napped. If she was awake I was either holding her, sitting next to her, or had at least some sort of interaction. I did not understand why I was like this, but looking back I guess I was thinking that if I could spend as much time with her while I had the chance then once the time came for me to return to work, I would feel better about it. Boy was I wrong!

For the 2 weeks leading up to when I went back to work I cried daily. At night I would cry so hard, you know the kind where you are crying so hard you actually physically have an ugly face. I could tell that although Ryan was trying to comfort me, he had no idea how much this bothered me. I tried to be rational at times, knowing that going back to work was the only option, but I always thought what if? or maybe? we could figure out a way. Thanks goodness Ryan was my patient source of reality because otherwise I would have made a total emotional only decision and quit my job. Once the time came for me to go back to work I did it and I actually held up pretty well. Perhaps I was all cried out?

I thought that once I went back to work and I was back in to some sort of a routine I would start back to blogging and this is just what I did. I blogged a few times and starting catching up on my favorite blogs to read (most of which went through pregnancy right along with me). This is when the feelings of resentment, sadness, and jealousy started. I found myself being so angry and jealous of all the moms on here that get to stay home with their babies. It ate at me and reading these just validated that I had made the wrong decision and because of certain things going on in our life there was nothing I could do about it. It was then that I decided that I would just stop; stop writing and stop reading. My closest friends that have kids, also work so it was with them that I found comfort in and by not reading I was able to keep my frustration with the whole situation at bay for the most part.

I will try to better explain our situation and why going back to work was the only decision for us at the time. I work for a big aerospace company in Missouri and my husband is part-owner in a family pest control business. My job has decent pay, a flexible work schedule, and amazing benefits. My husband is still the main breadwinner although when you own your own business it lacks the benefits of company paid insurance, 401k, all those things we at one time took for granted. We also knew that we wanted to sell our 3 bedroom, 1200 sq. ft. ranch and move into a bigger house with a great school district before I quit my job. When you own your own business it is very had to get a loan, especially in the more recent years. So we knew that we had to have my income backing to get a loan, even though I made considerably less than he did, my income is considered more stable to mortgage companies.

So the plan was to sell our house, buy a new house, gets everything set up financially so we could afford to pay for our own insurance, and then I would begin my career as a SAHM. Well it took awhile to sell our house and even once we did that we could not find the perfect house for us. We ended up moving in with my in-laws for 3 months and then finally August 30th we closed on our new home. I was thrilled! This meant that soon enough I would be home every day with my sweet girl. Once we started adding up the costs of getting the house the way we wanted we knew that it was best to wait until the spring before I quit. The winter months are the slowest for the bug business naturally. Around the same time my SIL went back to work from her maternity leave and I had someone who knew exactly what I was going through. She too worked, booked all of her husband's appointments for the bug business, all while being a mommy too and wishing we was not away from her as much. Not long after she was back at work her and husband decided that she would be quitting her job. Once again the feelings of jealousy started up. But for some reason instead closing off from her we would talk about the challenges of being a working mom, owning a business, and for her the challenges of owning a business and a staying at home every day with your baby.

One day it just hit me. No one way is the correct way, every family has to decide what is best for them in the short-term and the long-term. And all decisions have their positives and negetives. Although I sometimes still feel sad about not getting as much time as I would like with Layla or the times where I get so frustrated at all the things I have to juggle, most days are good. I know that I am doing what is best for Layla. We get to go on fun trips, she will grow up in a beautiful home in a top ranked school district, and while she doesn't get spoiled we can afford to get the special things for her. I work 33 hours (which is considered part time at my company, but is the minimum hours you can work and still get benefits), I do calls and appointments for the business on my day off, some evenings, and weekends. My husband takes care of all the paperwork, record keeping, marketing, and growth opportunities. This is working for us and we know that Layla loves her days with her grandmas and her one day with Miss Sarah at daycare. This works very well for a our little family and I will not be quitting in the spring. We will continue to get financially set so that once the day comes for be to SAHM and bug lady (lol) there will not be any regrets and we can live comfortably. Once our next LO comes (no definite plans as to when that may be) I will transition into life without a big girl job. :

So there it is my whole story on why I avoided the world of blogging. And NOW I am ready, ready to share and ready to read. I am looking forward to seeing the experiences of all types of moms all while knowing that each one does what they do because it is what is best for them and their family. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Back on the Saddle

First I want to apologize to those that read my blog. It has been way to long and I have missed blogger land oh so much. I had to take a long break to be able to get through a huge project for grad school, work trips, and long hours at work. The trips are done (at least for this year), the project is done, now I just have a few more assignments due and in 5 weeks I will be done with grad school, woo hoo!!!! The end of the year is always crazy at work, but I'm getting used to that.

Other than the stuff I mentioned above the hubs and I are remodeling our basement bathroom. I am so excited and everything was coming together smoothly until we went to order the vanity and what do you know, it is on back order until mid December. Grrr, now we are waiting.......I am so ready for it to be done. Honestly, I am most disappointed because I was hoping to have it done before I hosted Bunco at my house in a few weeks so I could show all the girls. :(

Here is the pesky, but oh so lovely vanity:

My birthday has also passed and Ryan surprised me with a gift that I love, love, love. Okay so maybe that is a little dramatic, but I was really excited to say the least. It goes back to our Destin trip this summer. Everyone was on Duval St. looking in this sunglasses store. I found this pair that I really liked. So Ryan tells me to try them on. The lady takes them out of the glass case and hands them to me, I put them on, look in the mirror, and I am in love. They are so cute! Ryan thinks they look great too and he all of a sudden agrees to buy them for me UNTIL we looked at the whopping price tag. They were Roberto Cavalli's, well to me that meant nothing, but apparently that means expensive. So months has passed and Ryan happens to see them at Solstice in the mall and they are still pretty expensive, but not quite as much as they were in FL. The lady informs him that if he signs up on their emailing list he will receive a 25% coupon in his email in 2 weeks as part of the friends and family event they would be having. So all in all he does all this and I get these so, so cute lil things for my birthday:

I am one lucky gal to have such a great hubby, I am touched that even remembered them let alone bought them for me! Too bad it has rarely been sunny hardly here in MO for the last few weeks.

In a few weeks we will find out what my sister is having. She is due April 10th. I am secretly hoping for a girl (right now I have 2 nephews and 1 niece), but really all I pray for is a healthy baby. My nephew Landon is 3 and he can't seem to decide what he would rather have, one day it is a baby sister, the next it is a baby brother, once he even said both were in his mommy's belly. He is so stinkin cute. Once I know I will share the news with you all and of course start visiting Etsy even more frequently. :)

This weekend is Halloween and we are attending a party at my friend's sister's bar. An 80's band from St. Louis called Johnny Rock-Itt will be there. It should be a blast, I am ready to dance the night away. Also, it is a costume party and Ryan and I are going as Tinkerbell and Peter Pan. Do not ask me how I convinced him to go as Peter Pan. There will be pictures to follow next week!

On Sunday I will showcase our newly remodeled kitchen. Really all we did was add little glass tiles on the backdrop of the counter tops, but I am very happy with the results so stay tuned.

Have a Happy Halloween and a wonderful weekend!

I'm Alive Folks!

Wow, it has been over two weeks since I have posted. Sorry for all of those that read my blog (all 5 or less of you ha!). I have been boring. :(

Life has been pretty hectic, needless to say. Work is crazy busy, so I have been working a lot of hours. I also started school again (my last MBA class EVER) so in my time away from work I have been dedicating it to school work.

Also, on the 4th we found out that my sister Brittany is expecting again. Landon is 3 so it really is the perfect difference in age, however she was really trying to get things in her life in order, so it was not something that she had planned. Obviously God had different plans. Her and her fiance were really shocked, especially since she was using birth control. She is now the 4th person I know that has conceived while using Nuva Ring. So ladies if you are using it, just wanted to give you a heads up. They found out when she went to the doctor for blood work, due to the fact that she had passed out 2 times. We still do not know how far along she is, apparently on the Nuva Ring you can be pregnant but it still lets you have light periods. I am not sure why it takes so long to get in to an OB-GYN for the first ultrasound. I really want to know how far along she is. Despite the surprise we are all really excited and blessed to have another little one in the family. I am ready to be an aunt again. Please pray for Britt as she has been really sick with this pregnancy. She was really sick with Landon too and actually lost 15 lbs before she starting feeling better. She is so skinny already (120 lbs) she cannot afford to lose that much weight again. I am praying every day that everything will okay with the baby since we was still using BC while pregnant.

I know it is long overdue, but in my anniversary post I promised to let you all know the details of our anniversary gifts.

I got the hubby a Kenny Chesney coolie cup (cotton is the theme for the 2nd anniversary) and inside were tickets to the last stop of Kenny Chesney's Sun City Carnival Tour and a hotel for the weekend. Ryan loves KC so he was thrilled. I also got him a few shirts, since he seems to wear the same things over and over again. This weekend is the concert so we are heading to Indy Saturday morning. I will post pics and let you all know how it went next week.

For my gift Ryan got me an identical ring to match my wedding band. So now I have a band on each side of my engagement ring. I was so excited! I have a picture below of what it looks like now. He also bought me a few work shirts, since I had been complaining of needing new work shirts.

This Sunday when we get home from Indy I get to unpack and the re-pack for a business trip to GA. This is the first time I will be away from Ryan for a whole week. Usually it is just for a day or so. I am worried about how I will sleep, it is really hard for me to sleep without him next to me. I know it is corny, but it is the truth. This is the longest we have been away from each other in about 3 years. I am going to miss him, but thankfully it will be a busy week. I am also nervous about traveling alone. I tend to get lost a lot so wish me luck and pray that I will not get lost. LOL!